"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams
"One finger professionally, gentlemen; two fingers socially." Gynecologist's saying.
"When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name.'" Anonymous
"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it."Cary Grant.
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan Rivers
And..my long time favorite..
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Emo Phillips