Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The care and feeding of YOUR inner sex goddess

Female readers who mail me about my work often say how much they enjoy my sexually confident protagonists. I never write about women who don't want sex, that's a given. They can desire seduction, yes, and they can want to push their own sexual boundaries further than they've been before, but they are rarely coy and they never have guilt about the act of sex.

Getting reader feedback on an angle like this is music to my ears, because my aim is to write stories about women who are grounded enough that we can identify with them, but who also have that confident, sassy side to them that we can’t always muster when dealing with the everyday chaos of life. In fact, research has shown that women are narcissistic readers — we really do like to identify with the female characters, we especially love to discover that she is attractive to other characters in her story, and we revel in all the passion and romance that leads to.

When I first began writing I was lucky to work with an editor called Lonnie Barbach. Lonnie included my work in a book called SEDUCTIONS. Lonnie is a psychologist who has done research on women and arousal, and she found that reading erotic books
functions as an important part of our sexuality. That information cemented a feeling that I’d had about reading and writing erotic material, and what it can do for a woman. Personally, I like to think of this process as nurturing our inner sex goddess.

Yes, our inner sex godess. We all have one, and she lets you know when she’s around — you feel that spark, notice the flash in your eyes when you look in the mirror, and feel that little bit more naughty and more confident than usual. But sometimes our inner sex goddesses can feel left out because we are too busy doing mundane, everyday things. Being an inner sex goddess, she needs special attention to flourish — and primarily she needs that attention from you.

One thing is for sure, read a good sexy book and our inner sex goddess wakes up and takes notice! Reading erotic books feeds her soul, but what else can we do to keep her playful and active in our lives? Here are a few ideas:

• Think about that sexy woman inside you and try to draw her out. Give her an identity. Is she bawdy or sultry? A Xena, Cleopatra, or a Mae West type? Once we have a picture of that aspect of ourselves, we can conjure her up to give ourselves a boost.

• Your inner sex goddess is the one who has an appreciation for the sensual, erotic qualities of life. She’s the one who likes to burn candles and incense and look at sensual imagery. Think about the unique things that appeal to your senses. It might be a special fabric, scent, or a particular time of day or night. Be aware of what it is, nurture it, and indulge in it.

• If you’re in a situation where you don’t feel as sassy as you would like, it sometimes helps to ask what your inner sex goddess might do. My inner sex goddess can be a very naughty lady, and she inevitably comes up with a suggestion for me!

• If we’re having a rough time, it’s sometimes hard to spoil ourselves. Spoil your inner sex goddess instead! It might be as simple as walking barefoot in the grass, taking a scented bath, reading that arousing chapter over again, or listening to the lyrics of a favourite track. Be aware of the sensual response, nurture and carry that response inside you, make at last.

The most important thing of all is to nurture that special aspect of you that makes you the sexy woman you are.

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